Long time, no post.

haven't been posting for quite a while. I guess I just was a little bit busy and... lazy. But a lot has happened. Last monday I met a guy in the nightclub and we're sort of in the middle of something. The worst thing is I can't find a way to communicate with him as he has just arrived to England to learn the language and as for now he doesn't speak English at all. So I'm really trying to do my best to force myself to speak some Spanish and French. Oh yeah... and he's 10 years older than me. Great.

I want...
...*** not to be angry at me when I tell him I love him but can't be with him as the things are complicated right now. I feel so sorry for him and ashamed for myself. I just don't want him to reject me after I tell him because after all I still feel he's the one. But under the circumstances we cannot be together. It's just so consfusing :(
...M. to stop telling me off about what I'm doing right now. She just thinks I'm stupid to get involved with that new guy while I'm still in love with ***. I want her to understand I cannot stay inbetween of sth for another two years.
...to have my extended essay finished tonight.

XW.

"Going to sleep, gotta wake up in 3 hours"

I want...
... to have a good flight and land safely tomorrow.
... my old friends to stick to me. I can't let the distance weaken the bonds more.
... to get on well with M. tomorrow.

Cosmic archive.

14/08/08 I want to...
... write down all the things I want to do or happen in my life.
... be ONLY who I am, not anybody else.
... drop Arts.

15/08/08 I want to...
... write and record my very own song.
... my mother to be happy with her life.

16/08/08 I want to...
... *** to miss me.
... meet ***.
... love and be loved by ***.

18/08/08 I want to...
... know what I am for on Earth
... find a place on Earth for myself to live in. I'm so sick of my current location. And I can't imagine coming back to my parents' house.
... know what to do after IVC.

19/08/08 I want to...
... be connected to the Light.
... keep Pandora (the cat that's lost its mother)
... ***

27/08/08 I want to...
... be happy again.
... this schoolyear to be better than the previous one.
... know whether I really want to come back to UK.

xCasey

To start with.

As for why I'm even starting this diary, I don't even know. It might be happening out of boredom or the lack of space, where I could drop my ideas and reflect on them later. Moreover, I want to figure out what I want in my life and what do I actually need, which of my needs are temporary and which seem to be more solid. To find that out, every night I'm listing 3 things I want in my life. Remembering to do that was a nightmare, so hopefully, I could get into a habit where every time I'm checking my e-mail, I'm logging into blogspot.
The last reason to start this diary is that I want to improve my English. So writing down other things than essays/coursework/etc. every day would be helpful. Apparently, all the stuff I'm doing for college doesn't seem to help anymore.
Anyway, I'll be posting more tonight, as I need to copy all the things I've listed so far.
xCasey.